I just finished mowing our lawn; well, I finished the part of it that I could actually do. I mowed until I could mow no more. Confession: I don’t ever mow the lawn; I can’t even remember the last time I did.  But when my husband asked for a little help tonight, I had no good reason to refuse.  So I pushed that stinky piece of metal back and forth on our grass until I was sweaty and exhausted.  I feel ashamed that I couldn’t do more, and that I had to come inside and lay on the carpet for a while afterward.  Let’s just call it what it is: I’m overweight.  Awesome.

I imagine that it would be nice to be gorgeous and skinny, but that’s just not in the cards for me.  An actual possibility is being “healthy.”  I’d like to mow a lawn without the feeling of impending death.  It’d feel great to hike with my husband, feel stronger, have more energy.  Getting my limbs and my heart into a more healthy place will help with photography, too, as I squat down and climb up and bend this way and that.  Photography is a physical job, if you’re doing it right.

No lofty goals here, though, and no declarations of change (those tend to fall flat).  But there’s the hint of it in the air.  A tiny breeze of change.

On a different note, I wanted to tell you about my new favorite thing lately.  It is so fun!  When a family member or friend finds out that I do photography, they’re generally supportive, “Oh wow, that’s neat.”  But then sometimes, they (a) see my website or a photo session I’ve done, (b) they hear that I’m actually pursuing a degree in Photo, or (c) I hand them a business card.  And then DING! DING! DING! they see me in a different light: they see me as a legit photographer. It’s a rare event, for sure, but it feels outstanding to have a friend/family member develop respect for the work that I do, and the talents I am discovering.  And to hear a genuine reaction of, “Wow, I love them!”  What a spectacular change it is.

I can hear the lawn mower outside; Ben is finishing the job. I’m feeling kind of dejected and embarrassed, and I smell like gasoline.  But I did my best.  And some time in the future, my best will be better.  Baby steps.

 

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Let’s call this pic “Inspiration.”